Week 18... Bye Bye Bye

by - April 27, 2016

I am constantly exhausted... All day every day. Since my return to the big OH, I have been staying with my mother... Never an easy task. Our relationship is, for the lack of better words, troubled. Even after the endless chances I have granted her to make up for all the mistakes she has made, she continues to show no interest in improving our relationship, or lack there of. With my own child on the way I don't understand how not having a positive relationship with my children could even be barable. I fear once my boy arrives, I won't care for him like my mom doesn't care about me. I worry that I will be a terrible mother because I never had a good rule model of what one should be. Basically, I'm basing my parenting after a popular early 2000's sitcom show and following the endless memories of examples of what not to do. 

Classic Football Shirts

Now a days she sleeps less than the speed kings in Las Vegas. She is up to all hours of the night, and the TV is always on. Her small dogs are constantly barking at everything that moves, and the walls are paper thin. Besides the lack of sleep, I have been super busy running from appointment to appointment, engagement to engagement. Dentist, obgyn, ultrasounds, primary care providers,... Between the medical appointments, work, managing my business, and basic adult responsibilities like shopping, cooking, cleaning and showering, I am beat. Paired with the exhaustion are these annoying headaches I get daily. It never seems to go away. My senses are so sensitive right now that every little smell, bright light, or loud sound sets off a pinching pain in my head. Similar to a tension headache. I am sure it is tied to stress along with my senses.

Costume Discounters

Recently I had a slight scare with a spot on my skin. Months ago, possibly before I even got pregnant, I noticed a spot on my side. At the time I assumed it was dry skin. Maybe, my hip bone was rubbed from my jeans. It could have even been something like, I scratched myself pulling up my jeans or something. The air was thin and it was winter in Utah then, so my sensitive skin was constantly dry. Throughout my pregnancy the spot went from looking like dry skin, to a small bumb, to becoming darker in color. I went to get it looked at by a doctor this week to see if I should continue to be worried. Luckily, she said it doesn't seem cancerous. However, since I'm pregnant medical procedures are limited so they can't tell for sure till months after I deliver. After my delivery, my hormones won't go back to normal right away so I have a standing appointment for October. I am assuming this appointment will be transfered to a medical professional in Utah. At least, I'm hoping anyways.
At this point Michael and I both agree that it would make everything easier for me to go to Utah before the baby comes, instead of after. He will be trying to make that happen, over the next few months. I am not quite happy with Dr. Funk. After hearing the experience of someone who delivered with him, I like him even less. Her experience was terrible, uncomfortable and stressful. I, like everyone else, I'm sure doesnt want that on delivery day. My birth plan, before Dr. Funk said he doesnt follow birth plans, was a calm natural water birth. Ok... Lets get real, I am the biggest sissy around. I will end up asking for pain relief, that is almost a guarentee. With Dr. Funk I don't feel like my calm and positive energy birth will happen. I am someone who stresses and is anxious. I also worry, maybe too much but that is how I am. I need to trust that the person managing my delivery won't add to my already high stung energy. The person I would have ideally guide me through delivery would be understanding and patient. I need Michael to be there for the birth, and he doesn't want to miss it either. It will just make that more difficult, being on the other side of the country. You never know when a baby will come, apparently birth cant be planned without a c section. That is out of the question, unless absolutely necessary. Even though they gave me a due date. Michael's mom also wants to be involved, and from what he has been telling me, she is very excited. I want her to be in the baby's life. He needs someone around to spoil him with love like grandparents do! Someone with good morals and values I can trust. Plus, I'm sure it would help me out having someone like her in our lives. I just want to be able to plan and start preparing for my baby's arrival. That is not going to happen while I'm here at my moms. There is just not enough space, and I don't want to be missing any of the items I purchase.

Costume and Party SuperCenter

Speaking of preparing, one thing I was not prepared for were the radical changes I would be going through. I knew my body would change but my expectations were not prepared for reality. I updated my wardrobe this week with some basics. I am starting to not fit or look good in my pre pregnancy clothes, anymore. My boobs are now hughmungus and my bump feels like it gets bigger by the day. I actually havent gained much weight in any other areas besides my boobs, bump, and bum. I purchased a size 38 D bra for the first time ever, and ironically it is still too small. I have been trying to avoid the maternity section for as long as possible. However, I feel the time has come for me to say bye bye bye to my typical clothing and lingerie departments. Something has to give with these newfound milk jugs, though. They were extremely sore and sensitive for weeks and weeks and now they are more swollen than a playmate's chest, just waking up, after enhancement surgery. If I had any doubt this baby was a boy before, I don't now!

CWD Kids

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