Do The Hokey Pokey & Turn Yourself Around

by - November 22, 2016

Recently, I have been moving towards making some changes in my life. The way I think, react, and how I choose to feel about certain aspects of life, is getting a bit of a make over. I am working on putting my anxiety in check and overhauling my mind. Focusing on the things in my, very blessed life, that bring me joy and happiness. Over focusing on the things that only bring me down. All in all, I'm just trying to be a happier, more relaxed, and better version of myself. I'm going to work on letting go and letting be. Shoot, why bother waiting for the new year to begin working on those resolutions. I want to start this new positive journey of happiness now!
Over the next weeks I will begin rebranding my blog. Posting more of the content that puts a smile on my face, instead of tears in my eyes. Baking, cooking, reviews, motherhood...etc. Now don't yall fret for a minute. I will still be posting lifestyle and updates on Milo and I. They will just be slightly redirected. I know many of you, who tune in regularly, are curious to see what kind of man and father Michael will grow to be. To be honest so am I. However, focusing on all the pain, negativity, and drama has brought me to a place I don't like to be. A very special woman recently told me , "it's not others who bring you happiness, it's you." So I'm gunna pull a Kirsten Dunst and bring it!
My anxiety is social and control based. Which means, I get anxious when I feel out of control, or in an uncomfortable, new, or confrintational social setting. I'm sick of my anxiety holding me back or making me fear trying new things. I have so many opportunities coming my way and directions I can take my "mompreneurial" life with all the projects I have going on. "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game". Definitely words to live by. Thank you Hilary Duff.
A big trigger, over the past few months, has been the release of most of my independence. I have been the sole provider for myself since too young of an age. Things, however, are different now, I have more important things to spend my time on other than climbing a corporate ladder. In order for Michael to be an involved father and for me to be a stay at home mom. It was something I traded in order to raise our son the way we both felt is best. I don't think this would make me so uncomfortable if Milo and I were in a real family setting. However, we just play house. There is no support, trust, or faith here, which doesn't always bring feelings of comfort. So I can't keep letting my anxiety stop me from trying to new things, if I want to continue to grow working from home.
Now that I am updating my mindset and the way I choose to feel about things. I will try my best to redirect my energy and focus on how much I love and am thankful for the opportunity to stay home with Milo. Instead of stressing over the unpredictability of my oppratunities. Another big challenge for me is confrintation. As many of you know, who have kept yourselves up to date, there has been plenty of that over the past year. Well no more. I have put myself in uncomfortable situations just to make others happy far too many times. I'm no longer going to make myself unhappy just to please another. That's taking it too far and I'm tired of trying so hard. There really is no point, and I'm bored of the dance.
I have been giving the wrong people too much emotional control over my life. Some are people I don't even really know and frankly don't care too. Even after the multiple chances for new impressions were graciously provided. If I'm being as true as the sky is blue, lately I don't even know myself. That ends now. It has too. I miss me! How can my son grow to know me when I don't even recognize myself?
I have come to realize I may not be able to control everything in life. That's where learning to let go and let be comes into play. What I can control is how I feel and react to situations that wonder in my direction. I'm also starting fresh and bringing mine and my son's lives back to basics. I relocated our lives across the country for Michael to be involved. Not him and every Tom, Dick, and Harry he's met over his years. I want to work on building up strong relationships with the people who truly matter. Before taking the chance of inviting questionable and seemingly unstable influences in our lives.
Karin has been such a north star in my world, since she has entered my life. She and many other strong woman over the years have given me such powerful guidance and sincere advice. It's about time I get my head out of the clouds and start putting it into affect. I've stumbled off the path of peace once or twice throughout this life of mine. I have given into negativity, fear, and anger because the reality is its easier. It's always going to be harder to be righteous, but it's worth the effort in the end. From this point on I refuse to give up or give in when I am weak. I have such a big reason to keep pushing on and that's my son. A constant source of inspiration, motivation, and reason I never had before. He brings such a light and joy to my life, I couldn't have imagined. In order for me to enjoy it to the fullest I have to be happy within myself. Find peace and purpose within.
I know it's super cliché to say, "New Year, New Me". So I'll save it. Seriously though, I've realized that as long as I have my son, faith (in whatever is out there, up there, or over there), and a strong head on my shoulders carried by confidence, I don't need anything else. 

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