Week 33... Priority Number 101

by - August 09, 2016

Since Michael decided to take off for his weekend after his shift, and I got tired of sitting around being angry. These hormones even had me to the point where I could not stop thinking about setting all of his clothes on fire! I figured it best to find some positive ways to entertain myself. If he doesn't want to prepare for his baby's arrival or be supportive in any kind of way other than showing up to to his job, then I have to work double time to get everything ready. I am working on letting go, I can't keep getting upset over the things I can't control. So I got online and started researching the Northeastern Nevada Regional Hospital here in Elko. This is going to be the hospital Milo will be born in, so I figured I should check it out and get familiar. The website had a posting that stated if I would like to take a tour of the labor and delivery unit to call and schedule an appointment, with a phone number listed. Thinking to myself, this could be a great way for me to kill some time this weekend. So I called. The woman who answered said there is actually a 6 week course of parenting/newborn care/and delivery classes happening that night if I would like to join. I jumped at the opportunity since I am a first time mom to be after all, with not a damn clue about babies, labor, or care. The course started two weeks prior, so I missed two classes but she assured me I can revisit them once this session ends and the new session begins. The classes are even free and every Thursday at 6:00 p.m. I got ready really quick and booked it across town.

I sent Michael a message asking if he would like to join me before he headed south to Bryce Valley. The class is only two hours long so it wouldn't really put him much further behind in his extracurricular activities. Of course he had no interest in attending. His friend Lynden and a cold one once again took priority over him becoming a father. I am surely losing any expectations for him, at a rapid rate. With all the back and fourth throughout this pregnancy he has given me, I have now lost hope and don't ever expect him to do the right thing. Thank god I have finally gotten to this point because I am sick and tired of being dissatisfied and disappointed. If he doesn't straighten up his act once the baby comes some changes will have to be made and my options weighed. I refuse to let things continue this way.

This class opened my eyes. I am even more terrified for Milo's arrival than ever before. I am quite a modest person. Throughout our discussions and the video we watched of a woman's natural delivery, seems like modesty goes right out the window when having a baby. Between all the nurses and doctors coming in and out checking monitors and just helping themselves to your lady business, I'm super nervous. Learning and hearing about everything we went over in the class for the first time was enough to shoot my anxiety right through the roof. I even felt dizzy multiple times throughout the two hours. I thought for sure I was going to pass out. We also went over the roles of a "support person". How I wished I had one of those to help me feel less freaked out by all the new intake of information. However, just like throughout this pregnancy I'm sure my "support person" (as I physically use air quotes and laugh out loud) will continue to be non existent.

Since Micheal refuses and can't stand to look at baby things with me, I thought I would reach out to another mommy to be I met in class. Just to see if she would like to join me for some shopping and to grab a bite of dinner. With my anxiety, that definitely put me outside of my comfort zone, but I did it anyway. This class is helping me meet people in my new town, and it helps we have things in common already. She responded and we ended up having a great time. We ate dinner at a local Mexican place called Dos Amigos which was delish! What a relief it was, I'm bored sitting around here alone all day. The cabin fever I have setting in, is worse than any job I've ever had. I wish Michael and I could switch places for one day, just so he would know what it's like, and I could get out of this apartment.

I ordered pretty much everything I still needed for Milo over the weekend as well. Referring to my must haves checklist from Babies R Us, I took to the Walmart website like a champion. Breast pump, storage, pack n play, burp clothes, travel system ect. Once it all arrives I will go through everything and see what is left that I still need. A little retail therapy always helps put me in a better mood. I will be sure to do a haul and review some of the products I ordered as well, once they arrive. 

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