Week 31... Up, Down & All Around

by - August 03, 2016

After arriving in Elko, shopping for some much needed essentials at the Kmart near our new apartment and making a quick trip to the local Smith's market, I finally made it to our new home. Exhausted from the heat and the drive, sore from my back all the way to my puffy toes, I'm finally home. Putting everything away, I'm looking around. I like this apartment, I like the area we are in, and I like what I have seen of the town already. I don't know what Michael was talking about. He can be such a Negative Nancy sometimes. The town isn't so bad, has a cowboy kind of charm to it, dirty pick up trucks everywhere, and the apartment isn't as small as he made it seem. He is so in love with Utah he doesn't leave himself open to enjoying and finding the unique beauty in other places.
I ordered a mattress and frame online a couple days before leaving Ohio. While I was passing through Salt Lake I received an email stating it was ready to be picked up that day which is convenient because we didn't have any furniture yet, and my pregnant butt is not sleeping on the floor. So when Michael got home from work we went across the street and picked it up. We were ready to set it up with Michael's best friend and boss Anthony's help. This is the person Michael wants to be Milo's god parent so I was glad to finally meet him. I am sure I will be seeing a lot of him.

I asked Michael when I was looking into ordering a bed if he would like his own room (Milo and I can share the larger room) or if he would like to share with me and we could set the other room up as a nursery. Basically asking in the easiest way possible. Do you want to try to be a couple and a family? Do you want to try to make this work between us, or not? He of course didn't give me much of an answer, just later on told me to order a king sized bed, so that's what I did. We have been getting along so well recently. With our child's arrival just around the corner, and our living together full time now, maybe we could put the past aside and give this a real shot. Try to be a family.

The internet provider here, Frontier, has been the biggest hassle through out this move. They told me, after being on hold for what seemed like forever, it would be three weeks before someone could come out and install our connection. Which is pure madness. One of the worst customer service experiences of my life thus far has been dealing with this company. I have been ordering a lot of the baby's things online, setting up accounts, and looking for new doctors, so internet is a necessity. I continued to call everyday, despite the outrageous hold times and unqualified staff, to see if there was a installation cancellation or a spot that opened up. So far no luck.

For a couple days we mostly just laid around on our furniturless floor and binge watched movies and played games. This was one of those moments in life you look back on in the coming years and laugh. To pass the time we rented Redbox and bought movies from Walmart. Something seemed off though. We never sat too close to each other, haven't held hands, hugged, kissed or cuddled since my arrival. Every night as we laid down for bed there was a tension that kept me awake. I didn't feel comfortable here or in my own skin. I decided to once again push my feelings aside and give it time. Let things work out on their own. We are both settling in and alot has changed for the both of us. My anxiety was through the roof after the move and being in a new place.

Michael woke up Monday morning and asked if I was ready. I looked at him with a weird expression across my face and responded ready for what? To go shopping, in a tone that suggested I was supposed to just magically know. The phrase "want to go shopping" to me is like the equivalent of saying "do you want a treat" to a dog. You know how they get all excited and start jumping around? Now, I may not have perked my ears up or wagged my imaginary tail, but I instantly got excited. I was ready in five minutes. Curious what we were on a mission for, because honestly we need everything, I asked. As we were getting into the truck Michael says I'm tired of sitting on the floor, we need furniture and all the stores are open today! There are actually quite a few stores, with furniture, in town, to my surprise. We ended up going to them all, tested almost every sofa. Our styles are quite different which made it hard to agree on something. He has more of the senior citizen, rec room, furniture you would find in a basement type style. While on the other hand, I like sophistication mixed with comfort. He was also dead set on getting a reclining chair. Yes, a reclining chair. In my opinion recliners are so incredibly ugly, but I gave up that battle before it really even began. After lugging my pregnant butt from store to store and in/out of sofa after sofa, we decide to go home for lunch and talk about the options we saw. It isn't easy getting on and off furniture for hours on end when you are 7 months pregnant. All the ups, downs and all around took its toll. We narrowed it down to three options at three different stores, of course right. A brown two piece set, a cushy grey corner sectional, or a boxy brown suede and leather modular sofa with an ottoman. With his heart set on a recliner chair we saw at Aarons he let me choose the sofa. I knew it would work out in my favor to pick my battles and not fight him on his stupid old man chair.

After we finished with lunch we headed back out to purchase our decisions. Our first stop was Bodily's Furniture downtown. We both really liked the grey corner sectional. It's big, soft and super comfortable. Also, it was right in the middle when it came to price. Pretty much comfy all over which is perfect for a baby, and combined both of our styles. The sales woman complimented my pregnancy figure and asked the typical questions. Boy or Girl? When is he due? Is this your first? Are you excited? I never know how to act when someone asks me if I am excited. To be honest, I'm scared as hell and with everything I have gone through with Michael, that's made it hard to be excited. I looked to him for confirmation, but of course, like when anyone asks questions or gloats over the baby, he ignored her and turned away. So I slapped on my smile and answered her questions, myself. It makes me feel so guilty when I feel that way. Uncomfortable when people ask if I'm excited. I should know my answer and be able to say it with pride. I wish I was allowed the opportunity to be comfortable, excited, and supported throughout this pregnancy. I still feel guilty when I actually do get excited because I know if Michael had his way none of this would be happening. I would be living with a lifetime of quilt for going through with a disgusting act and he would go on through life like nothing ever happened. Like I always do, I sucked it up, fought back my tears, and went on with what we were there for, getting our sofa.

Our next stop was Aarons. That's where he found the godfather of all reclining chairs. Brown leather with cup holders in the arms. Even has storage and a cooler built in. Oh and I can't forget that it has not one but three different vibration settings. The definition of tasteless man cave decor. The only thing tackier would be a waterbed. As he was signing the paperwork the sales girl asked her questions about the baby and if I was his girlfriend, wife, or... She put me down for delivery and wanted to know who I was since I was going to be the one home. I looked at Michael and he chimed in with "girlfriend". I thought to myself, maybe things are turning around. Maybe now that we are living together and having our baby's arrival just around the corner he wants to give us another shot. Like mentioned before if there is any relationship I would try so hard to make work over and over again, it would be this one. Not because Michael is some kind of dream boat or real winner, but he is the father of my child. I think Milo deserves to have us at least try.

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