Week 22... My Cape Blow In The Wind Or Only In My Dreams

by - May 27, 2016

I am becoming busier and busier in every aspect of my life, as time ticks down. Between more frequent doctors appointments, oral surgery, festivals, the store, setting things up for my trip to Utah, and my expanding business, I need a break. I am considering taking my next day off and unplugging from reality. No phone, no tablet! Maybe take my notebook and backpack and go hiking or picnic with a friend. Maybe find an inspirational spot and write for a while. I haven't written in my travel blog or for fun in quite sometime.

The ultrasound, with the wonderful Dr. Saleh, went better than I had hoped. I was thinking the doctor may say something discerning about me traveling, but Dr. Saleh was very positive and seemed happy I was bringing my not so traditional family back together. Milo measured perfectly, his blood is flowing perfectly, and his organs are developing  perfectly. He is just so perfect already, and I love him more everyday. I have started to feel him moving, which is something new. I always thought it was weird or gross when my friends with children would talk about their movement experiences during their pregnancies. However, now it is reassuring to feel him wiggle. It relieves my worry and assures me he is ok. I am a natural born worry wart, as I'm sure I have mentioned before.
On a less exciting note this week I had my oral surgery. Due to my pregnancy they could not give me nitrogen or use any anesthesia. I could only have a low dose of local anesthetic, aka the numbing shot. It was definently not pleasant, but not the worst thing ever. The doctors were able to prescribe a narcotic, even though I didn't fill the prescription. I don't feel comfortable taking narcotics or pharmaceuticals when I'm not pregnant, let alone with my baby.

"So you're toughing it out like a cowboy, eh?" Was Michael's reaction when I told him I didn't want to take the drugs. It honestly didn't hurt that bad. I was fine, didn't even need a Tylenol. The infection and swelling I have been dealing with throughout the entirety of my pregnancy was way worse, like I am certain labor will be. I may not be a "cowboy", but I have noticed myself becoming tougher throughout this journey to motherhood. I have stood up for myself in ways I have never before, handled pain and uncomfortable situations like a "big girl", and have even been thinking more clearly. Well, despite my wacky emotions and hormones. I can feel myself changing, growing, and maturing.

I have been working really, really hard lately. At the store, festivals, and with my business projects. The past couple festivals have been cold, rainy or both. I was hoping I could vend them all, so someone else wouldn't waste their summer working, but I am unsure if I will be able to continue for much longer. I love Nelsons Ledges and Milo seems to enjoy the music, but as time passes I become more and more easily exhausted. Its a lot for me to constantly be surrounded by a lot of people. It wears on my anxiety. I was told this would happen sooner or later, but I was hoping to be the exception. The wonder woman of pregnancy. The superhero that doesn't tire, but I am only human. My feet hurt, my back hurts and I'm tired.

My business has been expanding in so many positive directions lately. I'm not one that is shy of hard work. I have been super focused and motivated, because I really want this hobby to become something I grow into a full time income, so I can be home with Milo. I really dont want to go back to a 9 to 5 or be supported by Micheal forever. I want the flexibility that comes from being your own boss. Having the time to focus on being Milo's mom while not sacrificing all of my passions and independence, is really important to me. That is also one thing Michael and I have agreed on. He really supports me in this aspect atleast. I  have had these goals and dreams, before Milo became my world. I refuse to give them up now, because I know they will be good for both of us in the future. I want to be able to spend the time being there 100 % for him when he finally arrives and throughout his life, so I'm working really hard now. Maybe too hard sometimes, but business waits for no man, right?

I am excited for my visit to Utah. Michael and I booked my ticket a few days ago. I leave in two weeks. I honestly have a good feeling about this and hoping everything will work out. I was concerned about giving up everything I have worked so hard for here in Ohio since I have been back. Then I realized I don't have too. I can still retail my products here and expand out west. With the tourist industry and population Michael thinks Utah would be great for my business. He even looked up "best cities to start a small business" and SLC was on that list.

Michael is Milo's father and he wants to be involved, also Milo's grandparents are out west. Plus, Karen really wants to be a grandma. I'm sure she will be spoiling this little boy the moment he arrives. I have arranged some meetings with some potential apartments upon my arruval. We are looking at the Park City property first. It is the one we both like best. It has everything I want from what I read online, I just want to check out the neighborhood and surrounding areas before we make our decision. I want to be in an area that is a little ways out of the metro for peace, quite, and those mountain views, but still easily accessible to town and SLC. For markets, department stores, doctors and hospitals. It was such a struggle in Bryce to do those basic common things. And in actuality that is my only impression of Utah I have to go on. Life just being harder, but Michael assures me things will be different once I see "Up North". He seems to think I'll fall in love because I can't resist breathtaking scenery and enjoy being outside, he thinks he knows a little about me.  Even if I do fall in love with the views of northern Utah I'll never admit it to him. He loves to be the one who is right and says I told you so.

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