Week 19...Name Reveal

by - May 05, 2016

So this week was kind of a big one, and I know many of you have been waiting for the big Name Reveal. I read all of your emails and try to answer your questions the best I can. Many of you are also first time mothers so we are going through this together.

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I had my final developmental exam appointment. The two part ultrasound and blood test. Like mentioned before, this exam tests for an array of development issues such as, downs syndrome, spinal issues, heart complications etc. Turns out my baby boy is growing and developing perfectly. He is as of now 11.5 oz. and the size of a banana. He looked so comfy in my tummy during the ultrasound. With his hands tucked behind his head. He looked like he was laying out on the beach getting a suntan. Hopefully he stays this "baby of leisure" after delivery. I have been hearing horror stories from other mothers about how their baby's didn't sleep, or had a backwards schedule, or constantly cried for weeks. Becoming a parent I feel like is one of the biggest gambles. You never know what you are going to get. Some babies barely cry and sleep all the time, and others are the complete opposite. Every baby is so different and will test your strength in a magnitude of various ways. I pray everyday that I'm strong enough to do this.

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So now that I am 100% sure on gender, no doubt he is a boy, from the second ultrasound, a friends mother and I have started planning the baby shower. It's a bohemian woodland theme. Not your typical cookie cutter baby shower. I have also pretty much finished my registries. I registered at Target and Walmart, and thinking of adding Babies R Us. I am over the moon excited and extremely nervous as well. My family is many things, but close is not one of them, and with my wandering ways my friends are scattered all over the country. I'm hoping it turns out to be a beautiful day, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed Michael and possibly his parents can make it. My biggest fear is that no one shows up, or they do and start some sort of drama. I have put so much thought into this already. With my hormones making me a bit more emotional than I'm used too, I will cry if I'm left with all these adorable decorations and yummy foods alone. It would be nice if everyone came together to enjoy a fun party unselfishly.

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This is my first pregnancy like many of you already know. I have also not been on the best side of many relationships during the past 19 weeks. Despite my pregnancy being moderately breezy compared to some, my life outside of pregnancy has been a bit of a struggle. From the ups and downs with Michael, ultimately leading to a cross country move, the epitome of rocky relationships with my mother, and losing alot of friendships due to this drug epidemic happening in the midwest/east coast. I have never tolerated drug use in my friendships. So due to people and their ignorant choices I have removed many people from my life. I have felt lost and very lonely during my pregnancy journey without having a strong support system. Real life still goes on and people don't always treat you with respect, expecially just because you are having a baby. Sometimes they treat you worse.

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However, I have bigger things to focus on. I am half way done with my pregnancy and parenthood is creeping around the corner. These past 19 weeks have flown by. While I am panicking to get everything done and settled, Michael still thinks we have all the time in the world! Pretty soon, in just a few short months, I will be the mother to the mystery that is Milo Sterling Barker! I am so curious all the time about what kind of boy he will be. Will he enjoy the hardness of modern rock n roll like Michael, or be more a fan of the classics like me? Will he be happy-go-lucky or more reserved and timid? Will he grow to be a boy who spreads kindness, or will I be on the teachers speed dial for being the mother of a bully? Even though Michael and I have been working on our relationship, there are many things I hope don't get passed down. Michael has a temper, he is aware, and needs to work on getting it under control. He was also a bully in school. His mindset is very closed and at times negative. Despite his flaws not everything about him is bad. Deep deep deep down inside he isnt a bad guy, but for some reason he doesnt like to show it. Maybe, being vulnerable is his weakness... He is stubborn to the point he thinks he can do anything. Goodluck telling him "no" or holding him back once his mind is made up. Probably learned from many mistakes that way, but so be it. I hope Milo gets his determination and "can -do" attitude. He is reckless beyond belief, lives his life fearlessly. I have always lived my life with a sense of fear, only recently during the past few years have I opened up the slightest bit. It would make for an incredible mix for Milo to get his sense of adventure with my wanderlust. I will do my best to raise a boy with morals and manners but ultimately his life is his own. He can be any kind of man he chooses, and that's part of the beauty in parenthood. Once I teach him the basics of life, I can't wait to watch him grow and see what he decides to do with them.

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