Week 4... Taking the Test

by - February 03, 2016

After a couple weeks of already knowing I was pregnant. I finally talked Michael into going to get a test. It's hard around here in these tiny ass towns to keep anything a secret. He knows everybody and everybody knows him. The check out girls know everyone's business and gossip spreads like a blazing wild fire. Honestly, I knew and had for days. I was constantly exhausted, craving foods my vegetarian lifestyle did not call for, and had strange uncomfortable cramping that felt different than my, oh so recognizable, menstrual cramps. I just wanted to take the home test to make sure, hope my instincts were wrong, and ease his mind.

He brought me the box with a nervously sarcastic grin on his face. While I have been freaking out since "the night" Sir Thrustsolot broke the condom, he was strangely relaxed about the whole situation. Says he doesn't stress about maybes and he wasn't worried. He didn't think pregnancy was something that just happened or was that easy to conceive. "People try and try without getting pregnant right away, so it can't be that easy." Well apparently for once that little smart ass man was wrong.

I was going to wait till the morning to take the test but my crampy bloated belly woke me up around 1:45 a.m.that night. I decided to take the test then. That is technically morning after all. So I got my butt out of bed and went to piss on the stick that would tell me my destiny... Double lines popped up before the three minute timer even went off on my phone. I was pregnant, me pregnant.....

Shaking I took a picture of the test with my phone and sent him a text in the middle of the night like a cowardly asshole. Who gives life changing news over a text? Me I guess, it is 2016 after all.
Later that day we finally talked, a real conversation. We laid out the options. Adoption was the first one to go. I couldn't live with abandoning my child like my mother did with me. Plus, it's not like we are teenagers, homeless, or unemployed. Next option was abortion. He is really pushing hard for this one. I'm not going to lie I gave it two or three thoughts. I even called around and got some information, but in my heart I knew I couldn't go through with it. Even with his pushing threats constantly in my ear of hating me forever, or never forgiving me. It didn't make the idea of going through with the procedure anymore tempting. He was finally freaking out, like I have been for weeks. Thank god, I wasn't alone.

After giving it an abundance of thought, discussing everything with one of my life long friends from back east, and telling my boss, I finally got up the courage to tell him I was keeping the baby. Now I wasn't shocked when he was displeased, but I have already done so much in my life alone what is one more thing. That's the worst that can happen in this situation anyway is having to raise the baby alone I figure. When I told him that he didn't have to be apart of this and he could go off and bail if he wanted too, since it was so clear this isn't what he wanted, his response kinda shocked me. He said he wants to figure this out, go back to his old position as a gold mine diesel mechanic, and help provide for me and the baby. Him and his emotionless one track mind have been fully focused on crunching numbers ever since. 

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